Mother*Loaded: tales of an insta-Mom!

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Thanks Givings!!!

I am a firm believer in Family Baggage and specifically the fact that we all have it...I like to think that mine is a little worse than yours but all in all I know that we all have it and that if you don't, your just in denial or unaware of what's really there!!!

There is nothing like sharing holidays with other families to make you appreciate your family (baggage and all)!!! I love DH's family and they are so sweet and appreciative of me...But Thanksgiving just isn't the same when you aren't asleep on your Mama's couch after eating the same dishes that you eat every year on this day!!!  I went and I ate and it was lovely, but it wasn't really Thanksgiving...

I was sad about all this for a second and then I realized that it was so nice to appreciate my crazy baggage carrying family!!!  Even with the awkward non existent relationship that I currently have with my baby sister...Still they are my family...and the ones that I am stuck with and whom are stuck with me...and no matter how gracious and loving, no one can replace that or produce a better Thanksgiving meal...It just isn't possible...

So this year I was thankful for my boys and my new in-law family...but surprisingly enough I was much more thankful for my crazy family that has been with me from the start!!! 
I hope you all had a great Turkey day...and that you were surprisingly thankful for something, and maybe family most of all!!!

Monday, November 24, 2008

more more and more...there is always more!

Okay so life got in the way and that's my only excuse...but I have noticed a huge difference in my mental health in comparing my consistent blogging self with that of my occupied and don't have time to blog self...I think I need this shit?

I have been a mess lately...It could be that we are still  and again  sick in this house...WHAT THE HELL?..Or it could be partly due to the fact that we lost our sweet China Cat to a tragic accident in front of our house last week...Or maybe a million other reasons, but it hasn't gone unnoticed that I am feeling better already just from typing this silly little update!
So not only now have I  set a goal for working out and making a long over due dentist appointment, and to send those long over due wedding and house warming gifts...but now to blog regularly for my own sanity as well...
Man it takes a lot to keep this woman sane and not uber sensitive and from avoiding proper etiquette...all I can say is that I am sorry but please don't take offense...I mean I don't go to the dentist and I went to the gyno for the first time in literally almost 3 years recently, so your not the only one that I neglect...Not that it's an excuse!!!
It's ironic to me that at the core we are all trying to "just be"...yet there are millions of other things that we are expected and striving to be so that we can be a proper and good person while we are trying to let go of all those details in order to just be...Interesting?
I apologize if I'm not making since...I am not in my right mind...haven't blogged in weeks and trying to let go of details in order to "be"...while feeling guilty for avoiding and denying other details that make me a "proper" person...
Oh life!!!
Mother Loaded
P.S. the new photo is an interpretive piece on what I feel like doing and look like most of the time that I am dreaming of escaping certain parts of my reality!!! (meaning...child wrangling, under wear folding, toilet scrubbing, and husband taming, etc...) (and today in particular...facing and trying to ignore the pit in my stomach from a grueling and mortifying public ego spanking that I am trying to recover from...ouch...I still feel like a child who's trying to not cry while being disciplined!)

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Dance Baby Dance!??????

Okay so this weekend was DH's birthday and so that means that we had the perfect excuse and a willing Grandma forcing us back into the world of a social life...We don't visit this world very I don't count teacher conferences and cub scout meetings as real adult interaction...So it was a nice change of pace to go to a lovely dinner down town with a melting pot of friends in tow!!!

Dinner was great! We were full of social interaction, sake, and Japanese food by about 9 o'clock...when we then shockingly agreed (while yawning) that we should go see some friends play a gig at a joint down the road...Whew, dinner and music...We are really out now!!!! Well not exactly...Before we got in the door DH had already whispered to me that he didn't want to stay long...Man are we losers from the burbs or what!!!

I was more in a social mood and almost felt like I was on vacation...So, despite not being able to have more than one drink (it was not my birthday and we couldn't afford a cab if we wanted one all the way back to our neck of the woods)..I was excited to be somewhere where kids were not allowed!!!

I don't know if it was the one extra large sweet tea vodka(which is sinfully good by the way), or my being around other adult women who don't have kids for the first time in ages...But, it was as if this place and all the people in it were my scientific experiment and that it was my duty to observe and judge...Awful I know(forgive me)...It's a culture that I am not a part of very often and so it has become like being in a foreign country and not being able to take your eyes off the locals!

I danced enough to look like I belonged and sipped my cocktail slow enough so that I could escape at some point...It was what I think is probably the usual crowd and filled with a few people that I love...But the more that I watched the more I realized that maybe I shouldn't feel that sorry for my self any more...Don't get me wrong I miss having a consistent social life a lot, but watching some of these folks gave me such a great appreciation for the fact that I wouldn't be back out tomorrow searching for what ever feeling or partner that a lot of these people were so obviously searching for!!!

I know there were some more "observers" out there(most came in with me)...Ones that weren't searching for anything but a night out with friends and their significant other...But then there were "The Others"...

Just a few of my favorites...

The old hippie guy that was dressed like a modern age frat boy and probably at least in his fifties...poor old man...

The two suits...who you know were in their first real job working for the man, because they looked like they were twelve and dressed up for their cousin's wedding...feeling all fine and looking very goofy and over confident...entertainment for me!!!

Then there was your typical cougar...flopping her fake boobies in her top...that one that looks
like it fit when she was in her twenties...ewww!!! Now talk about sad...that is sad!!!

And then there was the icing on the cake...When I spotted this one I knew that I was happy that I lived at least a 30 minutes drive away...It was one of those where you do a double take and where as hard as you try you just can't stop staring and wondering...I was filled with sorrow, shame, and outrage for this girl all at the same time...I noticed her cleavage first...bursting out of her top as if she was lactating...

Oh wait a she lactating?..No, certainly it can't that what I think it is?.. Is that girl dancing all crazy in the front of stage left PREGNANT?..NO, certainly it can't be?..Okay, she could just be here every night and that's why she looks likes she's pregnant right?..

I watched her like a hawk scouring it's pray and I couldn't take my eyes off of this poor girl...she most certainly had more in her belly than a keg of beer and years worth of RedBull and vodkas...She was out and pregnant for sure...Not that I think you should be bedridden and stuck at home for your entire pregnancy...But this girl had no ring and was literally sweating like she was a fat ass who had danced for the first time in her life...She was even twirling her sweaty hair around like a rock star...I was so outraged and appalled that she was in this club filled with smoke and shaking her milk filled breast every where...She was dancing so hard that I swear she might have given this poor fetus shaken baby syndrome before it was even born...

I wanted to judge her and confront her for a second, but in the end I just felt sorry for her...She was probably out enjoying her last moments of freedom and praying she'll meet a man before she spits out the biggest "cock block"(please excuse my french, but I really couldn't think of a better term) of her life...poor girl...poor baby!!!

I never felt more happy to walk to the car and drive home with DH back to our Loserville neighborhood where I am constantly buried in housework and all things that involve kids...I was just happy to have a real home and man to take there with me!!!

I won't lie though...I am looking forward to collecting more data on my experiment in the near future!!!

Hope you had a great birthday honey!!!

yours truly,

Note to all those who pray...add sweaty pregnant girl to your list!!! Even if I was wrong and it was a beer gut, this girl desperately needs our prayers!!!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


As some of you know...I sometimes feel very isolated in these here suburbs!!! And you might have read in an earlier post, "Come Back Wine-O" that I initially had a gal pal but then was left all by my lonesome...All of this makes for some great great appreciation for the slightest and simplest adult interaction...especially that of a fellow woman and Mama!!!

So when I connected to this new hip mama in my hood I was so excited and filled with new hope that even though I am young and not the typical housewife isolated out here...that I can find the diamonds in the rough...the cool hip suburban mommas who aren't afraid to have a real conversation or confess about their germ ridden offspring and nests(or as this one new friend has said...that they might be old enough to have been my trashy teenage mothers!!!)

While it is possible to find these jewels buried deep in dirty laundry and grocery shopping...It is difficult and I think much of it left to fate...and here's one great thing about it too...Once you find one...others usually follow!!!  I was lucky enough to experience this following a few days ago when my one hot mama friend connected me with another hot mama who happens to be a fabulous photographer who especially enjoys taking photos of woman and fellow suburban hostages!!!

This real deal of a women invited me to her home for a little photo shoot for no particular occasion other than the fact that I told her it sounded like fun and that I thought it would be a liberating challenge for me! Oh Thank you...Thank you...Thank you!!!

It was...I got creative and brought some fun props and articles of clothing that were special to me and that I thought represented me well.  I tried to not be too nervous as to not ruin every photo!!! She was calm cool and collected in her house clothes and bed head(which I admired so!)  She put my nerves at ease! I still wish in retrospect that I would of come out of my shell just a bit more...but we all have to start some where I suppose!!! And if that was my start then I am well on my way!!! 

Even with my overly critical eye when it comes to self portraits...I think she captured my beauty in a cool and vintage type of way!!! I can honestly say that she captured me and that makes it easier for me to enjoy the little things that I usually despise about my portraits.  Of coarse I can always pick out my flaws...can't we all (women, I mean)!..But the coolest part of it all wasn't the actual tangible was the experience of doing something out of the ordinary...being creative and having a reason to do my hair, plan a wardrobe and accessories...and pose for the spotlight!  All while enjoying some adult interaction from a fellow strong, smart, and  beautiful mama!!!

It was an experience that I won't soon forget and that I  will certainly plan to do again...and one that I think all women should pay to have a few times in their lives...What is more timeless and classy, than to have your photo taken all by your self without too much makeup and by a professional!!!

If you want that photographer to be a real down to earth Mom...who's not afraid of her flaws (or yours)and celebrates her strengths(and yours)...then this chic is your ticket...check her out!!!

The rarest thing in the world is a woman who is pleased with photographs of herself.  ~Elizabeth Metcalf

Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weakness.  ~Marie de Vichy-Chamrond, Marquise du DeffandLetters to Voltaire


                                                       Thank God for election day!!!!!!!! I am so sick of all the bitchin and imposing of one's opinions!!!!!!!! We all have our opinions and our right to vote..Which is why I went a week ago and voted early!!!!!!!!

After I left the voting center...I called my Aunt who lives in the same voting district as us to tell her that she should use this place because I was in and out in 10 minutes and it was a breeze!!! The first words from her mouth were " I hope you didn't vote for *&^#!@^:" I was like "well, Auntie I voted for who I wanted to vote for because it is MY vote and so that means that I get to choose and you can keep your opinions to your self!"   I am so sick of all the garbage that comes along with voting!!! What has happened to our manners and our common respect for one another's opinions? I know that some of you really get off on your political conversations and persuasions...I am just not one of those folks!  I am happy to have a very light, fact oriented conversation, but the second that you start spewing your version of an aggressive political ad...I'm out!

You be you and I'll be me...that means that we get to be our own authentic selves and that we don't have to agree on every thing! It is the beauty of this life and of our great county!!!

I don't think I am better than you for my opinion about who should be our next president...Nor do I feel the need to belittle you for disagreeing with me! Actually I find it to be an insecurity and a weakness that so many of us do feel the need to take that approach!

I work a part time nanny job (that I love)...but if I have to hear about how she cried on the way home and stole a political sign for her yard to make her feel better...or hear her 3 year old child say "yucky *&^#!@^:" again I might have to throw up in my mouth just a bit!!!

When Scout decided to voice his opinion about how he didn't like who we are not voting for...I said..."stop right there bud, why don't you like him?"  No answer, because he knew he didn't have a good one...I followed with "you aren't old enough to vote or have enough knowledge to have an opinion so enjoy it while it lasts and don't say things that you can't back up" "%*^#!;$? is a great man and just because DH and I aren't voting for him doesn't mean that we think he's not a good candidate" "besides, if you were old enough to vote you might agree or might disagree with us and that would be okay because our right to vote gives us the right to agree with some and disagree with others, even those that we love!"

I think it's a shame that when some one brings up the subject and asks who I voted for that I cringe inside! and I think it's a crime that it's tolerated in this country for our elections to include a montage of negative and false filled commercials and ads that confuse people and feed the negative energy that surrounds the process!!!

So, get out there and vote...Where your opinions actually count...and stop sharing your opinion where it isn't welcome!!! And GOD please...get over it when you lose and support whom ever it is that becomes our next president!
Oh and if any of you GA peaches want to get what you deserve for waiting in that line...Save that sticker and check out this article I found for freebies for GA voters...Krispy Kreme and Starbucks to name a few...

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Step-Mama Drama!!!

Just my small clarification on the word step-mom?..It was directed at me twice this week...Once from a fellow cub-scout mama and then again from another neighborhood mom friend!..The word almost offends me, OK actually it does...I know that it's not what the word is intended to do...and I certainly don't think it was meant to be offensive in these specific conversations!!! BUT...I am entitled to my feelings and opinion on the subject...

step·moth·er   [step-muhth-er] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
the wife of one's father by a later marriage.

I guess in all reality by the definition of the word I am a step-mom...but in my eyes I am so much more than what I view a "step-mom" to be...and I guess that's where it becomes offensive to me!!! I think that if your the primary parent and adoption it a part of the process then the word "step-mom" just doesn't cut it!!! Did you notice that in the definition above it says nothing about being a mother at all?

I know I didn't carry them for 9 month and I got away with out having to birth them from my loins or develop stretch marks or hemorrhoids (thank-God)...I missed out on the swaddling and bottle feeding...and their first words and first steps!!! I know that and I am not trying to pretend that it didn't happen or that it's exactly the same as being biologically connected or together even, from the start... 

BUT........A "step-mom" to me is one who takes on the role secondary to who most likely is the secondary parent with in her own household as well...In my personal experience as a step-child my step parents weren't really parents at all!!!  Maybe that's a part of why I am so offended by sharing the same title...In my own step-dad's defense...I will say that for a man coming in to a single mama family it is difficult to know what your role should be and how to fill it!..He cared and provided and I have a huge amount of respect and appreciation for him and his role in my life...As for my "ex step-mom" well that's a whole nother blog topic all together...So, don't even get me started!!! 

I guess all I am really trying to say is that the title "step-mom" and "adoptive parent" don't mix...I don't want to offend any of you natural mothers out there, but I am carrying the same load as you...There isn't a birth mom or second wife helping me out and my DH is as clueless as yours when it comes to knowing what it takes to nurture and care for our two "Buds" full time...So, please don't belittle my load with any prefix that means step, less, half, or secondary, etc...  It's just plain offensive to me!!!

I am the only woman here...buttering their bagels, washing their underwear, and volunteering as room-mom...Can you imagine it being "room step-mom?"  NO WAY!!! It's not what a "step-mom" does it's what a mother does!!! There is a reason why this blog doesn't have the word "step" in the title!!!

I have a huge understanding and appreciation for all you Step-Mamma's out there...I personally can't imagine how much harder it would be to share the load and responsibilities with Birth-Mom...I can see how it could be much more difficult and complicated and personally I don't know how well I would do at it!..What ever your specific roles are you deserve respect for braving that relationship and taking your own responsibility for helping bring up a little person in this life!..You go girl!!!

To "Mother Lili" my boys birth mom...I am so sorry for all that you had to go through and I can't imagine what it must have felt like to know that cancer would eventually take you away from your young beautiful babies...but if I can say so...I am so grateful for all you did and your path for better of worse...I love our boys and I love the things you instilled in them before I knew they would be mine...I love talking with them about you and helping them keep your memory alive...I love how much you loved them and I love knowing that you gave them to me and that your watching over us!..Thank you for that... and for sharing your title and this beautiful journey of parenting with me!!! I try to earn it every day...Actually, you know what...I do earn it every day...even on the bad ones!!! I hope I make you proud!!!

Appreciate it ya'll,