My MLK...Mercury in Retro Grade...

Well...You know those days where you were really just better off fulfilling your DH's vision of you on the couch watching the tube and eating bonbons all day...Yeah well that was this day for me...

Actually it has kind of been the last few weeks in general...It all started a few weeks back when I finally...at 25...decided to take responsibility for my dental health...Yes, horrible I know...but I did have the perfect excuse of two aunts in the dental field and one who was sweet enough to be (the not too regular) keeper of my teeth...So I was overdue to actually go to the dentist instead of meeting my Aunt after hours to get a quick cleaning and xrays...

I was a little nervous but also fully expecting the few cavities that I have been ignoring for the past year...It was a pleasant experience until I cried when this dentist came in and said that he was going to need to fill 14...Yes people I said 14...teeth, and He then proceeded to give me the full plan including costs...totaling around $4,000...

That was enough for a week, for sure...and so for MLK I was determined to be productive...I made an appointment to get a second opinion to go against that greedy bastard of a dentist...And thank God that it worked...Even though I was late for my appointment and got a speeding ticket on the way there from an officer that looked like he was 12 years old...literally

I chose to focus on my positive second opinion of 4 fillings rather than that of my damn ticket and to continue to try and make the most of this free day...So I proceeded to get the kids after my appointment and to have my Mom pick us up after taking my car in for a little overdue attention...It was going to be an hour so I packed up the kids in my Mom's car to kill some time running errands...And thats when it happened...

We were leaving toys r us and there wasn't a car or anything else in sight...I looked back to referee the kids in there sharing match...and BOOOM!!! Smack literally...smack in the center with my moms car...Into a light post...I still can not understand how, in a completely empty lot how I managed to hit this thing and so dead on too...

the next day...My boss told me that one of her schedule was changing and so thats that...I lost my job...

YEP...mercury is in retrograde...or for those of you not into astrology...MY last few weeks were full of unexpected suckyness(just life I guess really)!!! I will assure you though that I am on the up and up and things are a shifting and I am having faith and very easy at that...I know it could be alot worse...I am blessed!!!

A JERRY SPRINGER CHRISTMAS!!! Ho Ho Ho

There weren't really Ho's though, but seriously...It really was the strangest holiday that I have experienced thus far...I am a nut for this time of year and I really enjoy it with faith like a child...But this year it just wasn't in the cards...I was so happy for it to all be over!!!

It all started with my scrooge of a DH and snow balled from there...He was pisst for weeks that we were expected to do the CRAZY Christmas shuffle...That so many of you probably know all too well...I understand where he's coming from, really I do, but there just isn't a solution or alternative...With divorce running deep in both sides of this family we are destined to spread our selves thin this time of year!!!

So I tried to muster up enough positivity for all of us to carry us through...Oh and did i mention that the Monday before Christmas we went to the pediatrician and came home with strep throat for Scout and bronchitis and an ear infection for Pip!!! So I Thanked God that we had just enough time to get the antibiotics in our system, allowing us to not spread a little extra something along with our Christmas gifts!!!

We headed out for the first of our stops on Christmas Eve around 10am...fully prepared with snacks, water, and Pips inhaler for a long winters trip...Literally, as we were walking out to the truck Scout started to cough for about the first time since he had been sick...and I SWEAR to you that the child coughed every 5-10 seconds for the entire hour and half drive...Poor kid, I almost was mad at him it was so annoying...I have never been so happy to get out of a car in my life...and DH was eager to jump to the conclusion that he and Scout would probably need to go home and skip my family's party later that day!!! Big Shocker there, but I was so distraught from the constant 12 hacks a minute Christmas carol that I literally didn't care all that much!!! We ate, drank, and ripped through the wrapping, were spoiled with too much material wealth as usual, picked a lazer leveler kit in the exchange?, and managed to meet a new addition to the family (through a pregnancy-free shot gun wedding a few months back)...and that about sums it up!!!

Five hours after arriving, we were running late getting all our new loot loaded up and in the car for round two or our adventure...Thank God Scout had recovered enough to not miss out on the fun...We pulled up only about an hour and a half late to see one of my Aunts in a tissy with my Oma(German Grandma) in the cold-e-sac, and when I say "tissy" I mean she was enraged in a way that I have never seen her before...Turns out being late might have been a blessing in disguise because we missed the climactic 
ending beginning of the drama!!!

You see this was my Dad's first sober Christmas and we are all so proud of him and made the choice to show our respect by having a dry Christmas Eve...I guess my "lost" younger sister and her loser boyfriend didn't get the memo!!!  So, needless to say Auntie had some legitimate reasons for her rage...From what I gathered there were some words on the subject and it escalated from there!!! Well Auntie, with the kids in the car already, was off with out even a hello or a gift exchanged!!! I thought that it couldn't possibly get worse and...BOY was I wrong!!!

The drama continued from there and included the following...an awkward sober Dad feeling at the center of the drama..."lost" sister and loser boyfriend continuing to drink and make them selves at home with all uncle's beers...Opa (German Grandpa) has a kumbaya with loser boyfriend about showing respect...Loser, idiot boyfriend doesn't have a F***ING clue and continues to get intoxicated...Opa and Oma catch loser boyfriend grabbing a handful out of the fruit bowl and shoveling it down his throat and then with the entire ham hock in his hands while taking a bite...NO JOKE this really happened...as my good friend Iris always says, I couldn't make this shit up!!! Weird Weird Weird...and totally Jerry Springer...All we lacked was the trashy dirty slut of an ex-girlfriend!!! Thank God for that!!!

So then to top it all off, as if that weren't enough for a trashy TV version of a Christmas Eve...Right before we left, our sweet little cousin threw up every where and continued to do so for the next three days, exposing us to the stomach bug!!!

All in all the positive side was that all that drama made me extra grateful for our first Christmas spending the night at our new house and alone!!! I was so much more happy about the idea of getting up on Christmas morning and spending some intimate, drama-free time together as a family...

AND then about 45 minutes after waking the door bell rings and the saga continues...Grandpa got confused and thought he was expected on Christmas day when in fact we had invited him over for the 26th...

Whatever, at this point...WHAT THE F#^*@ EVER...

Took him with us to my Mom's for the day and then apologized when Grandma got to our house later that evening to find her unexpected ex-husband here as well...You win some and you lose some...

Hope your Christmas was more laid back than mine and if not...then take comfort in the fact that you are not alone...Better luck next year...It couldn't possibly be worse, Right???

Happy New Year to you all!!!!!

Gratefully,

ML (Mother*Loaded)

more more and more...there is always more!

Okay so life got in the way and that's my only excuse...but I have noticed a huge difference in my mental health in comparing my consistent blogging self with that of my occupied and don't have time to blog self...I think I need this shit?

I have been a mess lately...It could be that we are still  and again  sick in this house...WHAT THE HELL?..Or it could be partly due to the fact that we lost our sweet China Cat to a tragic accident in front of our house last week...Or maybe a million other reasons, but it hasn't gone unnoticed that I am feeling better already just from typing this silly little update!

So not only now have I  set a goal for working out and making a long over due dentist appointment, and to send those long over due wedding and house warming gifts...but now to blog regularly for my own sanity as well...

Man it takes a lot to keep this woman sane and not uber sensitive and from avoiding proper etiquette...all I can say is that I am sorry but please don't take offense...I mean I don't go to the dentist and I went to the gyno for the first time in literally almost 3 years recently, so your not the only one that I neglect...Not that it's an excuse!!!

It's ironic to me that at the core we are all trying to be..to "just be"...yet there are millions of other things that we are expected and striving to be so that we can be a proper and good person while we are trying to let go of all those details in order to just be...Interesting?

I apologize if I'm not making since...I am not in my right mind...haven't blogged in weeks and trying to let go of details in order to "be"...while feeling guilty for avoiding and denying other details that make me a "proper" person...

Oh life!!!

Mother Loaded

P.S. the new photo is an interpretive piece on what I feel like doing and look like most of the time that I am dreaming of escaping certain parts of my reality!!! (meaning...child wrangling, under wear folding, toilet scrubbing, and husband taming, etc...) (and today in particular...facing and trying to ignore the pit in my stomach from a grueling and mortifying public ego spanking that I am trying to recover from...ouch...I still feel like a child who's trying to not cry while being disciplined!)

Dance Baby Dance!??????

Okay so this weekend was DH's birthday and so that means that we had the perfect excuse and a willing Grandma forcing us back into the world of a social life...We don't visit this world very often...as I don't count teacher conferences and cub scout meetings as real adult interaction...So it was a nice change of pace to go to a lovely dinner down town with a melting pot of friends in tow!!!

Dinner was great! We were full of social interaction, sake, and Japanese food by about 9 o'clock...when we then shockingly agreed (while yawning) that we should go see some friends play a gig at a joint down the road...Whew, dinner and music...We are really out now!!!! Well not exactly...Before we got in the door DH had already whispered to me that he didn't want to stay long...Man are we losers from the burbs or what!!!

I was more in a social mood and almost felt like I was on vacation...So, despite not being able to have more than one drink (it was not my birthday and we couldn't afford a cab if we wanted one all the way back to our neck of the woods)..I was excited to be somewhere where kids were not allowed!!!

I don't know if it was the one extra large sweet tea vodka(which is sinfully good by the way), or my being around other adult women who don't have kids for the first time in ages...But, it was as if this place and all the people in it were my scientific experiment and that it was my duty to observe and judge...Awful I know(forgive me)...It's a culture that I am not a part of very often and so it has become like being in a foreign country and not being able to take your eyes off the locals!

I danced enough to look like I belonged and sipped my cocktail slow enough so that I could escape at some point...It was what I think is probably the usual crowd and filled with a few people that I love...But the more that I watched the more I realized that maybe I shouldn't feel that sorry for my self any more...Don't get me wrong I miss having a consistent social life a lot, but watching some of these folks gave me such a great appreciation for the fact that I wouldn't be back out tomorrow searching for what ever feeling or partner that a lot of these people were so obviously searching for!!!

I know there were some more "observers" out there(most came in with me)...Ones that weren't searching for anything but a night out with friends and their significant other...But then there were "The Others"...

Just a few of my favorites...

The old hippie guy that was dressed like a modern age frat boy and probably at least in his fifties...poor old man...

The two suits...who you know were in their first real job working for the man, because they looked like they were twelve and dressed up for their cousin's wedding...feeling all fine and looking very goofy and over confident...entertainment for me!!!

Then there was your typical cougar...flopping her fake boobies in her top...that one that looks
like it fit when she was in her twenties...ewww!!! Now talk about sad...that is sad!!!

And then there was the icing on the cake...When I spotted this one I knew that I was happy that I lived at least a 30 minutes drive away...It was one of those where you do a double take and where as hard as you try you just can't stop staring and wondering...I was filled with sorrow, shame, and outrage for this girl all at the same time...I noticed her cleavage first...bursting out of her top as if she was lactating...

Oh wait a second...is she lactating?..No, certainly it can't be...is that what I think it is?.. Is that girl dancing all crazy in the front of stage left PREGNANT?..NO, certainly it can't be?..Okay, she could just be here every night and that's why she looks likes she's pregnant right?..

I watched her like a hawk scouring it's pray and I couldn't take my eyes off of this poor girl...she most certainly had more in her belly than a keg of beer and years worth of RedBull and vodkas...She was out and pregnant for sure...Not that I think you should be bedridden and stuck at home for your entire pregnancy...But this girl had no ring and was literally sweating like she was a fat ass who had danced for the first time in her life...She was even twirling her sweaty hair around like a rock star...I was so outraged and appalled that she was in this club filled with smoke and shaking her milk filled breast every where...She was dancing so hard that I swear she might have given this poor fetus shaken baby syndrome before it was even born...

I wanted to judge her and confront her for a second, but in the end I just felt sorry for her...She was probably out enjoying her last moments of freedom and praying she'll meet a man before she spits out the biggest "cock block"(please excuse my french, but I really couldn't think of a better term) of her life...poor girl...poor baby!!!

I never felt more happy to walk to the car and drive home with DH back to our Loserville neighborhood where I am constantly buried in housework and all things that involve kids...I was just happy to have a real home and man to take there with me!!!

I won't lie though...I am looking forward to collecting more data on my experiment in the near future!!!

Hope you had a great birthday honey!!!

yours truly,
ML

Note to all those who pray...add sweaty pregnant girl to your list!!! Even if I was wrong and it was a beer gut, this girl desperately needs our prayers!!!

Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                       Thank God for election day!!!!!!!! I am so sick of all the bitchin and imposing of one's opinions!!!!!!!! We all have our opinions and our right to vote..Which is why I went a week ago and voted early!!!!!!!!

After I left the voting center...I called my Aunt who lives in the same voting district as us to tell her that she should use this place because I was in and out in 10 minutes and it was a breeze!!! The first words from her mouth were " I hope you didn't vote for *&^#!@^:" I was like "well, Auntie I voted for who I wanted to vote for because it is MY vote and so that means that I get to choose and you can keep your opinions to your self!"   I am so sick of all the garbage that comes along with voting!!! What has happened to our manners and our common respect for one another's opinions? I know that some of you really get off on your political conversations and persuasions...I am just not one of those folks!  I am happy to have a very light, fact oriented conversation, but the second that you start spewing your version of an aggressive political ad...I'm out!

You be you and I'll be me...that means that we get to be our own authentic selves and that we don't have to agree on every thing! It is the beauty of this life and of our great county!!!

I don't think I am better than you for my opinion about who should be our next president...Nor do I feel the need to belittle you for disagreeing with me! Actually I find it to be an insecurity and a weakness that so many of us do feel the need to take that approach!

I work a part time nanny job (that I love)...but if I have to hear about how she cried on the way home and stole a political sign for her yard to make her feel better...or hear her 3 year old child say "yucky *&^#!@^:" again I might have to throw up in my mouth just a bit!!!

When Scout decided to voice his opinion about how he didn't like who we are not voting for...I said..."stop right there bud, why don't you like him?"  No answer, because he knew he didn't have a good one...I followed with "you aren't old enough to vote or have enough knowledge to have an opinion so enjoy it while it lasts and don't say things that you can't back up" "%*^#!;$? is a great man and just because DH and I aren't voting for him doesn't mean that we think he's not a good candidate" "besides, if you were old enough to vote you might agree or might disagree with us and that would be okay because our right to vote gives us the right to agree with some and disagree with others, even those that we love!"

I think it's a shame that when some one brings up the subject and asks who I voted for that I cringe inside! and I think it's a crime that it's tolerated in this country for our elections to include a montage of negative and false filled commercials and ads that confuse people and feed the negative energy that surrounds the process!!!

So, get out there and vote...Where your opinions actually count...and stop sharing your opinion where it isn't welcome!!! And GOD please...get over it when you lose and support whom ever it is that becomes our next president!

Oh and if any of you GA peaches want to get what you deserve for waiting in that line...Save that sticker and check out this article I found for freebies for GA voters...Krispy Kreme and Starbucks to name a few...

http://www.11alive.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=123083&catid=40

Step-Mama Drama!!!

Just my small clarification on the word step-mom?..It was directed at me twice this week...Once from a fellow cub-scout mama and then again from another neighborhood mom friend!..The word almost offends me, OK actually it does...I know that it's not what the word is intended to do...and I certainly don't think it was meant to be offensive in these specific conversations!!! BUT...I am entitled to my feelings and opinion on the subject...

step·moth·er   [step-muhth-er] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–noun

the wife of one's father by a later marriage.

I guess in all reality by the definition of the word I am a step-mom...but in my eyes I am so much more than what I view a "step-mom" to be...and I guess that's where it becomes offensive to me!!! I think that if your the primary parent and adoption it a part of the process then the word "step-mom" just doesn't cut it!!! Did you notice that in the definition above it says nothing about being a mother at all?

I know I didn't carry them for 9 month and I got away with out having to birth them from my loins or develop stretch marks or hemorrhoids (thank-God)...I missed out on the swaddling and bottle feeding...and their first words and first steps!!! I know that and I am not trying to pretend that it didn't happen or that it's exactly the same as being biologically connected or together even, from the start... 

BUT........A "step-mom" to me is one who takes on the role secondary to birth-mom...one who most likely is the secondary parent with in her own household as well...In my personal experience as a step-child my step parents weren't really parents at all!!!  Maybe that's a part of why I am so offended by sharing the same title...In my own step-dad's defense...I will say that for a man coming in to a single mama family it is difficult to know what your role should be and how to fill it!..He cared and provided and I have a huge amount of respect and appreciation for him and his role in my life...As for my "ex step-mom" well that's a whole nother blog topic all together...So, don't even get me started!!! 

I guess all I am really trying to say is that the title "step-mom" and "adoptive parent" don't mix...I don't want to offend any of you natural mothers out there, but I am carrying the same load as you...There isn't a birth mom or second wife helping me out and my DH is as clueless as yours when it comes to knowing what it takes to nurture and care for our two "Buds" full time...So, please don't belittle my load with any prefix that means step, less, half, or secondary, etc...  It's just plain offensive to me!!!

I am the only woman here...buttering their bagels, washing their underwear, and volunteering as room-mom...Can you imagine it being "room step-mom?"  NO WAY!!! It's not what a "step-mom" does it's what a mother does!!! There is a reason why this blog doesn't have the word "step" in the title!!!

I have a huge understanding and appreciation for all you Step-Mamma's out there...I personally can't imagine how much harder it would be to share the load and responsibilities with Birth-Mom...I can see how it could be much more difficult and complicated and personally I don't know how well I would do at it!..What ever your specific roles are you deserve respect for braving that relationship and taking your own responsibility for helping bring up a little person in this life!..You go girl!!!

To "Mother Lili" my boys birth mom...I am so sorry for all that you had to go through and I can't imagine what it must have felt like to know that cancer would eventually take you away from your young beautiful babies...but if I can say so...I am so grateful for all you did and your path for better of worse...I love our boys and I love the things you instilled in them before I knew they would be mine...I love talking with them about you and helping them keep your memory alive...I love how much you loved them and I love knowing that you gave them to me and that your watching over us!..Thank you for that... and for sharing your title and this beautiful journey of parenting with me!!! I try to earn it every day...Actually, you know what...I do earn it every day...even on the bad ones!!! I hope I make you proud!!!

Appreciate it ya'll,

MOTHER*Loaded

Milkin it for all it's worth!!!

It been eleven weeks since the start of school and we are on our third round of the effects of the germ pool...Scout and Pip are pretty healthy and I like to think that I have threatened them enough to know that they wash their hands the right way...even when they are hard at work filling their brains and collecting germs!!!

Thankfully this last one seems to be spreading faster, so it might not be a month before we're all on the mend!!! I have already threatened to send the kids to school dressed as surgeons, hair nets and shoe covers in all...maybe then we might get to spend a week without as much snot and hacking around here...Hey that would be a good way to boycott the "No Halloween Celebrating" at school...Don't be surprised if halloween comes early for this family...I still have some extra protective eye wear and such from Scout's science party last year (don't know what I was thinking!)

I feel like these bugs are milking me for all I'm worth and when DH is sick I feel like he's milking it for all it's(me) worth too!

I am done...Please God give us some peace...So I can get back to blogging and avoiding my housework...Wether than not having the energy to do it...Literally only having enough energy to load the dishes!!!

GOD please please please!!!

Oh, I'm Nagging?...Well This Is What's Nagging Me!!!!!!!

I must for warn you that I am not in a happy blogging mood today...Honestly I am just peeved...(annoyed; irritated; vexed)...I'm sure this won't be the last but instead the first of many husband related posts...Sorry Honey! but this is my life!

Let me tell you a little bit about my DH, in an effort to be fair...I'll start with a few positive notes...At heart he is a very loving and conscious man...If I wasn't sure of that then I would have blown this popsicle stand a long time ago!  Most of his issues I'm afraid are just do to the fact that he is a man, but some of them I think are do to his personal baggage from the past...The man has been through a lot and he is so prideful, that I don't believe he has really allowed himself to come full circle with some of his personal shit...(don't worry babe, this blog is anonymous to most, and for those who do know about it, I'd be divulging this shit anyways.) 

As I'm writing this it's 11 am and Scout is up in his room reading (he's grounded and sick: a whole nother post subject entirely) and Pip is watching the tube...DH is passed out on the couch and hasn't said anything in the past hour other than to bitch about the volume of VeggieTales...And so goes the reasoning behind my bitter housewife mentality!!!!!!!!

All week long I carry my over flowing mother load...I carry it at 6:15 am when I have to rise and shine to prepare my babies for carpool and  school...I carry it two days a week to my part time job...I carry it every afternoon when I am shuffling back and forth to assist in homework and all the other papers that elementary school requires...I  carry it to the grocery store...and every night when I make dinner and then have to clean up after everyone and when I squeeze in all the other house cleaning that only I am capable of doing apparently...

And if I ask for a little enthusiasm and selflessness about parenting over the weekend...I AM NAGGING!!! I don't know if DH even knows what nagging is! I don't think that asking him to be up by 9:30 to feed his children one morning a week is that much to ask.  Give me a fucking break...literally...Oh and did I mention that I am sick as well...you would think that would be motivation enough to support me and spend time with his kids besides saying good night or have a good day half consciously from the couch(on the mornings that he does decide to grace us with his presence)...and he has the audacity to bitch about me interrupting his sleep cycle...

WHAT ABOUT MY FUCKING SLEEP CYCLE...DO YOU THINK THAT MY SLEEP CYCLE DOESN'T GET INTERRUPTED AT 6:15 EVERY FUCKING SCHOOL DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is just pathetic whining...why don't you leave that to the babies that are under the age of 8 in this household!!!

Thanks for letting me vent...Man am I peeved...Don't worry about us though, we're seeing someone and talking this all through with a professional...Thank God!..I think we all need to do that at one time or another...It's going really well too, but I still wish that there was a magical pill or spell that I could just slip him in order to give him a fucking clue!!!!!!!!!

Can't wait to talk about all of this with Dr. Therapist next week!!! And they wonder why we don't have a sex drive anymore! Who wants to have sex with that?..Not me, very often at least!

Well I better get up and get to my slave duties...there's lots to clean up after every one else this weekend...

Mama L

P.S. It's know 12 and DH is still in and out of consciousness on the couch!!!