I am one of those folks that you might call an "old soul." This and my very dysfunctional up bringing is what I really think prepared me for this life as a young mama! I'm a big believer in that "every thing happens for a reason." So much so that I am honestly grateful for all the things I was forced to deal with as a child, most of which I wish to block from my memory banks now!..I really do know that it is a lot of those things that have made me the woman that I am today. Including the small detail of my Dad being an alcoholic for all of my 25+ years. Including the fact that he chose his drink over us before I was old enough to make life long memories!
From a very young age I chose to accept this about my dad and to be grateful for the things I loved about him...I found a way to just love him unconditionally as if he were already the person that I knew he could be minus his disease. I think that is just what love is between a parent and child and it obviously goes both ways! It wasn't hard to do really...it has always been very clear and apparent to me that, a side from the ass of a temper my dad has, he is a very kind hearted and giving man...I have always known that he loves me and been grateful to have him as a father!
Just this year he started to really fall and it was finally clear to him, I think, that the end was near if he didn't choose to fight this disease...We prayed and prayed for there to be hope for him to have the life that he so deserves. We got our divine intervention and my dad ended up detoxing in the ICU for three weeks...I knew it would be sad and scary to see him that way...But turns out that I had no idea just how bad it could be.
It was just awful...I saw my Dad's junk way more than I ever wanted to even see DH's man parts...Thank God that kind of stuff just doesn't matter when some one we love is close to death...It's just as ugly as the rest of em anyways. He wasn't even there mentally for most of it...and he was very angry and inconsolable! I could write a whole other blog based on his hallucinations alone...It was very draining and heart breaking to see someone like this...anyone! I have never ever been so happy for something to come to an end! And to know that when we left there that he would be admitting himself into treatment was one of the most profound moments of my life.
It's been weeks now and he is doing so well, and for the first time in my life I have hope that I will get to know the man behind my father...His treatment program is awesome...There is a family therapy night and I have made it almost every week...not just for him but for me too ...Turns out that most of us could benefit from hearing what these therapist have to say...I've found that I relate to a lot of what they talk about as alcoholics...Not the most exciting blog post for most...but for me it's huge...Every day that my dad is sober is such a blessing and today is his 55th day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GIVE PRAISE FOR 55 DAYS!!! I am so grateful!!!
My favorite quote from last weeks family therapy was this..."Serenity is when your behavior aligns with your inner most core values," Do you have serenity?..I do most of the time, but I am certain that there are plenty of days that I do not!