At night (or early morning) when I finally drag this tired ass to bed and lay my head...Initially I dream of one thing and one thing only. It's one of the things that I miss the most about my old life. And even after three years I am still struggling beyond belief with this issue. I am a natural night owl...I always have been! I remember as a child staying up late to clean my room...and I hate cleaning...and then cursing my Mom when she repeatedly tried to wake me the next morning! The night has always been my time...The hours of the day when I relax...finally feed myself, physically, spiritually, and mentally...and when I prefer to get things done!
Friday, October 10, 2008
I remember as a young nanny talking with mama's about how they transformed into their early bird selves! "after you have babies you just do it and it's fine," they would say...I used to always reply that "I hope the actually birthing changes you metaphysically because I am a night owl through and through," and their response was always something like "oh, it does honey don't you worry!"
In retrospect I now think that this is a load of crap!.. Either it really is a chemical balance change that happens after you give birth that I obviously missed out on since I adopted, or those broads were lying through their pearly teeth! Or maybe it's that I have become a bitter early bird because I haven't been able to give up my night owl!
Every early evening I tell my self that tonights the night...I'm going to be in bed by 11pm...and every morning with out fail I curse myself for not following through and for having to get up on 5 hours of sleep! I know that your all doing it out there and that's the one thing that gives me comfort...In addition to the fact that I am giving my boys a nutritious breakfast and a loving hug as their off to fill their brains!
but man...I MISS SLEEPING IN!!!!!!!!!!!! I am just sick over the loss of this dear dear friend!..And even though I know it's not coming back I just still can't let go of my night owl self! I have got to do something! I am dying to be like this one friend that I have who wakes in the morning to have time for herself before the start of the day! How do we transform ourselves in this way! I vow not to give up...I am swearing that tonight is the night I'll be in bed by 10:30 and tomorrow the morning I'll rise with a smile!
Until then I am holding out hope that when I do finally give up my body to the labor of child birth that this change will miraculously occur that will make me the most gracious early bird around!!!
“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” Jon Hammond