Mother*Loaded: tales of an insta-Mom!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Paper Gowns, Stir-ups, and Lube...Bring it on Baby!!!!

I waited way to long for this damn Gyno appointment...Seriously almost two years(don't tell anyone)...I was feeling rather guilty and obtusely aware of the obvious neglect to my self!  But on a positive side it made me actually excited to be there this morning, if you could even imagine that...I felt a real since of accomplishment and like I was actually doing something for my self for a change...Pretty sad when going to the Gyno makes you feel like you are really treating your self!!!

Once I got over the embarrassment of my coochie check being overdue...I tried to sike myself up for the prick and the big plunge...The finger prick is just as difficult for me unfortunately...With out fail, as soon as the nurse picks it up I turn into a baby and can instantly feel my palms and pits start to sweat and my breathing increasingly more challenging!  
"DEEP BREATH...DEEP BREATH...Ok I'm ready...Wait not yet...I'm so sorry, I'll be ready in just a moment...I promise...Wait...Okay, I can do this...Okay....DEEP BREATH...One more second...DEEP BREATH...OK, Just do it..." 
Usually this back and forth ordeal takes me a few minutes if not 5 and  at times I have declined the iron test all together...But today it was like a minute and once again I was feeling so proud and accomplished!..The Nurse then proceeded to congratulate me for my 12lb weight lose since my last visit...I said to myself, "well it was 2 years ago and if I can recall, I was a little bit over my usual weight at the time...BUT I"LL TAKE IT!!!"...After that I was feeling fine...Chatted it up with the Doc and even asked after she was done..."Was that it? Your done?"...With this attitude I could see the Gyno everyday...okay maybe not, but after the crummy and foul day that I had yesterday...I clearly needed to be reminded that a great attitude changes everything...I just happened to be reminded through the most wonderful morning at the Gyno!!!
It does help just a bit, that I love my Gyno and that I hadn't seen her in a few and she always pretends to want to know about what's going on in my life...She even prescribed me meds for a sinus infection once...Too bad she can't just be my Primary Physician, Gyno, and Therapist all in one!  
Anyways...The rest of the day I continued to feel proud about everything I was doing and it was such an easy day...Man, I must have really needed this attitude adjustment...I have decided that I am going to be obtusely aware of my attitude for as long as I can...Because if the Gyno can make me feel that good...So can carpool, kitchen cleaning, and never ending laundry!!! I'm going to be so excited and so proud about all the mundane things that make up this life...It feels like deceit for a sec, but I can get over that, I think!  I mean I am always preaching to the brood (DH included) about having a positive attitude, might as well put my money where my mouth is...I thought I was leading by example, but apparently I was so unfocused on myself that I was lying to myself some of the time...NOT ANYMORE...Wish me luck!!!

The basic thing is that everyone wants happiness, no one wants suffering. And happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors. If your own mental attitude is correct, even if you remain in a hostile atmosphere, you feel happy...The Dalai Lama

The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same...Carlos Castaneda

Thought is the sculptor who can create the person you want to be...Henry David Thoreau

1 Responses (Leave a Comment):

beardediris said...

You totally crack me up. So funny what you said that going to the gyno is treating true! I feel the same way. You should just hurry up and spit out a couple of puppies, because the exams get so much easier once you're all stretched out and nasty down there. Trust me, you'll be like, "Is it in yet?" and she's got the extra large speculum, without lube, up your twat and a finger or two up your ass. Seriously. I'm more embarrassed for her to see my stomach than I am for her to have her face two inches from my va-jay-jay. I'm old enough to be your mom though (your toothless redneck whore teen mom). I love the gyno. It is the most attention I get all year. So sad. Keep writing! Be brave.